loud series

 

 

“THERE’S NO REASON TO SLEEP CURLED UP AND BENT IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU AND IT DOESN’T PROTECT YOU FROM DANGER, IF YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT AN ATTACK YOU SHOULD STAY AWAKE OR SLEEP LIGHTLY WITH LIMBS UNFURLED FOR ACTION”

curled up and bent

a way to push danger away, but no real way to protect. Pillow deep into the face, face deep into a pillow, no danger is as big a danger as yourself in this position.

 

“IT TAKES A WHILE BEFORE YOU CAN STEP OVER INERT BODIES AND GO AHEAD WITH WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO DO”

this really is, what really is

 

“THE MOUTH IS INTERESTING BECAUSE IT’S ONE OF THOSE PLACES WHERE THE DRY OUTSIDE MOVES TOWARDS THE SLIPPERY INSIDE”

once in, it is a long way out, even with words coming outside of this, it is difficult to stop them and it is difficult to answer “why” to what you said by accident already.

 

“SOME DAYS YOU WAKE AND YOU IMMEDIATELY START TO WORRY NOTHING IN PARTICULAR IS WRONG IT’S JUST THE SUSPICION THAT FORCES ARE ALGNING QUIETLY AND THERE WILL BE TROUBLE”

I heard a story about a dog quickly jumping up to growl, suddenly without provocation, he jumped the six foot fence, and you feel upset because of this. why? because there is some trouble some where close.

 

“YOU CAN WATCH PEOPLE ALIGN THEMSELVES WHEN TROUBLE IS IN THE AIR, SOME PREFER TO BE CLOSE TO THOSE AT THE BOTTOM, IT’S A QUESTION OF WHO FRIGHTENS THEM MORE AND WHOM THEY WANT TO BE LIKE”

close to the ground seems the most comfortable, and it seems better to die with dirt in your hands by choice, instead of being forced into it later

 

“WHEN YOU’VE BEEN SOMEPLACE FOR A WHILE YOU ACQUIRE THE ABILITY TO BE PRACTICALLY INVISIBE THIS LETS YOU OPERATE WITH A MINIMUM OF INTERFERENCE.”

spending hours walking around a carpeted arena, there is no trail made from step, and no sound of contact, no reverb from tiled floors and ceiling, but don’t forget your breath and your sweat.

 

“YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF ENTER SOMEWHERE FRIGHTENING IF YOU BELIEVE YOU’LL PROFIT FROM IT, THE NATURAL RESPONSE IS TO FLEE BUT PEOPLE DON’T ACT THAT WAY ANYMORE.”

our places are often safe beyond ourselves, when things are out of line is when the frightening thoughts begin, but when things are normal, even if normal is full of fear, we are all in our normal, and we feel okay

 

 

 

 

“WHAT A SHOCK WHEN THEY TELL YOU IT WON’T HURT AND YOU ALMOST TURN INSIDE OUT WHEN THEY BEGIN.”

sitting in a spot until the motion light turns off, sitting in pain in a white room, in the dark, your body has already turned inside out.

 

“THERE ARE PLACES THAT ARE SCARRED AND THE SKIN IS PULLED AROUND LIKE THE NAVEL OR THE HEAD OF THE PENIS THAT LEAVE YOU THINKING THAT THE BODY IS FRAGILE.”

I recently pulled off a piece of knotted skin, once away from me it never seemed like it was a part of me to begin with, a pulled away piece of skin leaves a softer more fragile surface.

 

“IF THINGS WERE A LITTLE DIFFERENT YOU WOULD DIGEST YOURSELF THROUGH A CUT IN YOUR MOUTH, IT’S A RELIEF TO KNOW THERE ARE PROVISIONS AGAINST THIS.”

and things would be much slower, and nothing would ever happen, and this little cut in your mouth would then become infected from large amount of information brought in by the outside of you stupid mouth

 

“MORE PEOPLE WILL BE BUILDING HIDING PLACES IN THEIR HOMES, SMALL REFUGES THAT ARE UNDETECTABLE EXCEPT BY SOPHISTICATED DEVICES.”

i’ve already built mine

 

“EVEN WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED YOU CAN SEE SOMEONE APPROACHING, HIS SHADOW SHOWS ON THE INSIDES OF YOUR EYELIDS.”

i rarely think about the space between my eyelid and my eye, and how the light can fit right in there and how i leave my eye unprotected so often, more often than not in the most dangerous of situations, most likely wide open.

 

“THE RICH KNIFING VICTIM CAN FLIP AND FEEL LIKE THE AGGESSOR IF HE THINKS ABOUT PRIVILEGE, HE ALSO CAN FIND THE CUT SYMBOLIC OR PROPHETIC.”

sometimes these scars that we hold onto can create us into more self absorbed, powerful, yet victimized, people.

 

“HANDS ON SOCIALIZATION PROMOTES HAPPY INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS, THE DESIRE FOR AND THE DEPENDENCE UPON FONDLING ENSURE REPEATED ATTEMPTS TO OBTAIN CARESSES AND WILLINGESS TO RECIPROCATE.”

with a face on it, it is believed in, i believe in it almost

 

 

 

 

“IT’S AN ODD FEELING WHEN YOU TRIGGER INSTINCTIVE BEHAVIOR LIKE NURSING IN SOMEONE, IT’S FUNNY TO BE IN HIS PRESENCE WHILE A DIFFERENT PART OF THE NERVOUS SYSTEM TAKES OVER AND HIS EYES GET STRANGE.”

turning away, you don’t really know this person

 

“BY YOUR RESPONSE TO DANGER IT IS EASY TO TELL HOW YOU HAVE LIVED AND WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO YOU, YOU SHOW WHETHER YOU WANT TO STAY ALIVE, WHETHER YOU THINK YOU DESERVE TO. AND WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT’S ANY GOOD TO ACT.”

when the inevitable is brought to your attention, it seems stupid to go through with it.

 

“AFTER DARK IT IS A RELIEF TO SEE A GIRL WALKING TOWARD OR BEHIND YOU, THEN YOU ARE MUCH LESS LIKELY TO BE ASSAULTED.”

in a late fall one year we revisit this statement, and realize how aware we are of our bodies, through dark we get a grip and stand like a men too

 

 

“AFFLUENT COLLEGE-BOUND STUDENTS FACE THE REAL PROSPECT OF DOWNWARD MOBILITY, FEELINGS OF ENTITLEMENT CLASH WITH THE AWARENESS OF IMMINENT SCARCITY, THERE IS RESENMENT AT GROWING UP AT THE END OF AN ERA OF PLENTY COUPLED WITH REASSESMENT OF CONVENTIONAL MEASURES OF SUCCESS.”

turning our guilt in further towards ourselves is in no way of changing anything around us

 

“IT CAN BE HELPFUL TO THINK OF THEM EATING THEIR FAVORITE FOODS AND OCCASIONALLY THROWING UP AND GETTING BITS STUCK IN THEIR NOSES.”

just another way to try and relate, it is helpless to try and get away from that need to find a common ground

 

“YOU SHOULD LIMIT THE NUMBER OF TIMES YOU ACT AGAINST YOUR NATURE, LIKE SLEEPING WITH PEOPLE YOU HATE, IT’S INTERESTING TO TEST YOUR CAPABILITIES FOR A WHILE, BUT TOO MUCH WILL CAUSE DAMAGE.”

as someone who has never broken a bone or had stitches, i see this in the same way that i am so careful with my body because i fear that unknown, those that push themselves will continue to push themselves, the damage becomes less noticeable as other damages build up and around them.

 

 

 

 

“THE SMALLEST THING CAN MAKE SOMEBODY SEXUALLY UNAPPEALING, A MISPLACED MOLE OR A PARTICULAR HAIR PATTERN CAN DO IT, THERE’S NO REASON FOR THIS BUT IT’S JUST AS WELL.”

i overheard a teenage girl critiquing her own body to her mother today, what do you expect?

 

“WHEN YOUR’RE ON THE VERGE OF DETERMNING THAT YOU DON’T LIKE SOMEONE IT’S AWFUL WHEN HE SMILES AND HIS TEETH LOOK ABSOLUTELY EVEN AND FALSE.”

at this point I had already hated this person

 

“LITTLE QUEENIE, ANY NUMBER OF ADOLESCENT GIRLS LIE FACE DOWN ON THE BED AND WORK ON ENERGY HOUSING, LABOR, JUSTICE, EDUCATION, TRANSPORTATION, AGRICULTURE AND BALANCE OF TRADE.”

while doing anything else, and provoking the color red

 

“MORE THAN ONCE I’VE AWAKENED WITH TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY CHEEKS, I HAVE HAD TO THINK WHETHER IT WAS CRYING OR WHETHER IT WAS INVOLUNTARY LIKE DROOLING.”

i think it comes with the territory of being in the most vulnerable position, eyes closed, and your body doing things that your body doesn’t know why

 

“GIFTED CHILDREN, THOSE WITH AN IQ OF 125 OR ABOVE ARE PRONE TO FEELINGS OF ALIENATION, FRUSTRATION AND BOREDOM, THESE FEELINGS CAN CULMINATE IN VIOLENCE IF THE CHILDREN ARE NOT ENCOURAGED AND CHALLENGED.”

no room to grow here

 

‘THERE IS A PERIOD WHEN IT IS CLEAR THAT YOU HAVE GONE WRONG BUT YOU CONTINUE, SOMETIMES THERE IS A LUXURIOUS AMOUNT OF TIME BEFORE ANYTHING BAD HAPPENS.”

inevitably creating a tension, you are waiting for the luxury to end, for something horrible to happen

 

“IT CAN BE STARTLING TO SEE SOMEONE’S BREATH, LET ALONE THE BREATHING OF A CROWD YOU USUALLY DON’T BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE EXTEND THAT FAR.”

making me realize there is no hiding

quiet series

“THERE’S NO REASON TO SLEEP CURLED UP AND BENT IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU AND IT DOESN’T PROTECT YOU FROM DANGER, IF YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT AN ATTACK YOU SHOULD STAY AWAKE OR SLEEP LIGHTLY WITH LIMBS UNFURLED FOR ACTION”

curled up and bent

a way to push danger away, but no real way to protect. Pillow deep into the face, face deep into a pillow, no danger is as big a danger as yourself in this position.

 

“IT TAKES A WHILE BEFORE YOU CAN STEP OVER INERT BODIES AND GO AHEAD WITH WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO DO”

this really is, what really is

 

“THE MOUTH IS INTERESTING BECAUSE IT’S ONE OF THOSE PLACES WHERE THE DRY OUTSIDE MOVES TOWARDS THE SLIPPERY INSIDE”

once in, it is a long way out, even with words coming outside of this, it is difficult to stop them and it is difficult to answer “why” to what you said by accident already.

 

“SOME DAYS YOU WAKE AND YOU IMMEDIATELY START TO WORRY NOTHING IN PARTICULAR IS WRONG IT’S JUST THE SUSPICION THAT FORCES ARE ALGNING QUIETLY AND THERE WILL BE TROUBLE”

I heard a story about a dog quickly jumping up to growl, suddenly without provocation, he jumped the six foot fence, and you feel upset because of this. why? because there is some trouble some where close.

 

“YOU CAN WATCH PEOPLE ALIGN THEMSELVES WHEN TROUBLE IS IN THE AIR, SOME PREFER TO BE CLOSE TO THOSE AT THE BOTTOM, IT’S A QUESTION OF WHO FRIGHTENS THEM MORE AND WHOM THEY WANT TO BE LIKE”

close to the ground seems the most comfortable, and it seems better to die with dirt in your hands by choice, instead of being forced into it later

 

“WHEN YOU’VE BEEN SOMEPLACE FOR A WHILE YOU ACQUIRE THE ABILITY TO BE PRACTICALLY INVISIBE THIS LETS YOU OPERATE WITH A MINIMUM OF INTERFERENCE.”

spending hours walking around a carpeted arena, there is no trail made from step, and no sound of contact, no reverb from tiled floors and ceiling, but don’t forget your breath and your sweat.

 

“YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF ENTER SOMEWHERE FRIGHTENING IF YOU BELIEVE YOU’LL PROFIT FROM IT, THE NATURAL RESPONSE IS TO FLEE BUT PEOPLE DON’T ACT THAT WAY ANYMORE.”

our places are often safe beyond ourselves, when things are out of line is when the frightening thoughts begin, but when things are normal, even if normal is full of fear, we are all in our normal, and we feel okay

 

 

 

 

“WHAT A SHOCK WHEN THEY TELL YOU IT WON’T HURT AND YOU ALMOST TURN INSIDE OUT WHEN THEY BEGIN.”

sitting in a spot until the motion light turns off, sitting in pain in a white room, in the dark, your body has already turned inside out.

 

“THERE ARE PLACES THAT ARE SCARRED AND THE SKIN IS PULLED AROUND LIKE THE NAVEL OR THE HEAD OF THE PENIS THAT LEAVE YOU THINKING THAT THE BODY IS FRAGILE.”

I recently pulled off a piece of knotted skin, once away from me it never seemed like it was a part of me to begin with, a pulled away piece of skin leaves a softer more fragile surface.

 

“IF THINGS WERE A LITTLE DIFFERENT YOU WOULD DIGEST YOURSELF THROUGH A CUT IN YOUR MOUTH, IT’S A RELIEF TO KNOW THERE ARE PROVISIONS AGAINST THIS.”

and things would be much slower, and nothing would ever happen, and this little cut in your mouth would then become infected from large amount of information brought in by the outside of you stupid mouth

 

“MORE PEOPLE WILL BE BUILDING HIDING PLACES IN THEIR HOMES, SMALL REFUGES THAT ARE UNDETECTABLE EXCEPT BY SOPHISTICATED DEVICES.”

i’ve already built mine

 

“EVEN WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED YOU CAN SEE SOMEONE APPROACHING, HIS SHADOW SHOWS ON THE INSIDES OF YOUR EYELIDS.”

i rarely think about the space between my eyelid and my eye, and how the light can fit right in there and how i leave my eye unprotected so often, more often than not in the most dangerous of situations, most likely wide open.

 

“THE RICH KNIFING VICTIM CAN FLIP AND FEEL LIKE THE AGGESSOR IF HE THINKS ABOUT PRIVILEGE, HE ALSO CAN FIND THE CUT SYMBOLIC OR PROPHETIC.”

sometimes these scars that we hold onto can create us into more self absorbed, powerful, yet victimized, people.

 

“HANDS ON SOCIALIZATION PROMOTES HAPPY INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS, THE DESIRE FOR AND THE DEPENDENCE UPON FONDLING ENSURE REPEATED ATTEMPTS TO OBTAIN CARESSES AND WILLINGESS TO RECIPROCATE.”

with a face on it, it is believed in, i believe in it almost

 

 

 

 

“IT’S AN ODD FEELING WHEN YOU TRIGGER INSTINCTIVE BEHAVIOR LIKE NURSING IN SOMEONE, IT’S FUNNY TO BE IN HIS PRESENCE WHILE A DIFFERENT PART OF THE NERVOUS SYSTEM TAKES OVER AND HIS EYES GET STRANGE.”

turning away, you don’t really know this person

 

“BY YOUR RESPONSE TO DANGER IT IS EASY TO TELL HOW YOU HAVE LIVED AND WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO YOU, YOU SHOW WHETHER YOU WANT TO STAY ALIVE, WHETHER YOU THINK YOU DESERVE TO. AND WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT’S ANY GOOD TO ACT.”

when the inevitable is brought to your attention, it seems stupid to go through with it.

 

“AFTER DARK IT IS A RELIEF TO SEE A GIRL WALKING TOWARD OR BEHIND YOU, THEN YOU ARE MUCH LESS LIKELY TO BE ASSAULTED.”

in a late fall one year we revisit this statement, and realize how aware we are of our bodies, through dark we get a grip and stand like a men too

 

 

“AFFLUENT COLLEGE-BOUND STUDENTS FACE THE REAL PROSPECT OF DOWNWARD MOBILITY, FEELINGS OF ENTITLEMENT CLASH WITH THE AWARENESS OF IMMINENT SCARCITY, THERE IS RESENMENT AT GROWING UP AT THE END OF AN ERA OF PLENTY COUPLED WITH REASSESMENT OF CONVENTIONAL MEASURES OF SUCCESS.”

turning our guilt in further towards ourselves is in no way of changing anything around us

 

“IT CAN BE HELPFUL TO THINK OF THEM EATING THEIR FAVORITE FOODS AND OCCASIONALLY THROWING UP AND GETTING BITS STUCK IN THEIR NOSES.”

just another way to try and relate, it is helpless to try and get away from that need to find a common ground

 

“YOU SHOULD LIMIT THE NUMBER OF TIMES YOU ACT AGAINST YOUR NATURE, LIKE SLEEPING WITH PEOPLE YOU HATE, IT’S INTERESTING TO TEST YOUR CAPABILITIES FOR A WHILE, BUT TOO MUCH WILL CAUSE DAMAGE.”

as someone who has never broken a bone or had stitches, i see this in the same way that i am so careful with my body because i fear that unknown, those that push themselves will continue to push themselves, the damage becomes less noticeable as other damages build up and around them.

 

 

 

 

“THE SMALLEST THING CAN MAKE SOMEBODY SEXUALLY UNAPPEALING, A MISPLACED MOLE OR A PARTICULAR HAIR PATTERN CAN DO IT, THERE’S NO REASON FOR THIS BUT IT’S JUST AS WELL.”

i overheard a teenage girl critiquing her own body to her mother today, what do you expect?

 

“WHEN YOUR’RE ON THE VERGE OF DETERMNING THAT YOU DON’T LIKE SOMEONE IT’S AWFUL WHEN HE SMILES AND HIS TEETH LOOK ABSOLUTELY EVEN AND FALSE.”

at this point I had already hated this person

 

“LITTLE QUEENIE, ANY NUMBER OF ADOLESCENT GIRLS LIE FACE DOWN ON THE BED AND WORK ON ENERGY HOUSING, LABOR, JUSTICE, EDUCATION, TRANSPORTATION, AGRICULTURE AND BALANCE OF TRADE.”

while doing anything else, and provoking the color red

 

“MORE THAN ONCE I’VE AWAKENED WITH TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY CHEEKS, I HAVE HAD TO THINK WHETHER IT WAS CRYING OR WHETHER IT WAS INVOLUNTARY LIKE DROOLING.”

i think it comes with the territory of being in the most vulnerable position, eyes closed, and your body doing things that your body doesn’t know why

 

“GIFTED CHILDREN, THOSE WITH AN IQ OF 125 OR ABOVE ARE PRONE TO FEELINGS OF ALIENATION, FRUSTRATION AND BOREDOM, THESE FEELINGS CAN CULMINATE IN VIOLENCE IF THE CHILDREN ARE NOT ENCOURAGED AND CHALLENGED.”

no room to grow here

 

‘THERE IS A PERIOD WHEN IT IS CLEAR THAT YOU HAVE GONE WRONG BUT YOU CONTINUE, SOMETIMES THERE IS A LUXURIOUS AMOUNT OF TIME BEFORE ANYTHING BAD HAPPENS.”

inevitably creating a tension, you are waiting for the luxury to end, for something horrible to happen

 

“IT CAN BE STARTLING TO SEE SOMEONE’S BREATH, LET ALONE THE BREATHING OF A CROWD YOU USUALLY DON’T BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE EXTEND THAT FAR.”

making me realize there is no hiding